Moving Past the Wounds
by DarkwingDuckie
Summary: Jack comes back from the year that never was and has panic attacks. Ianto tries to figure out a way to help. Janto. Warning: Slash and mentions of torture. Spoilers through series 2.


A/N: First Torchwood fanfic (don't have to be nice in comments, just constructive please meaning don't just tell me it sucks but how to make it better). There will be a second chapter, two chapters total. I have also never posted on this site before so forgive me for any formatting errors or if things look wonky.

_Italics_ represents memories and normal text represents the present.

Warnings: This chapter mentions of torture but not graphic. Next chapter will have a graphic M/M sexual situation.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, I just like to play.

Rated: M

**Chapter 1**

_Wrong! _

"Jack," the Welsh voice laced with worry carried across the office from the doorway.

_Freak! _

The piercing blue eyes with a touch of grey were looking at the Captain with apprehension. Jack sat at the desk in his office, slouching shoulders, his head in his hands.

"Jack?"

_He wakes to the burning smell of blood and flesh. His blood and flesh… _

"Ianto…" An almost whispered trembling voice answered as Jack slightly raised his head to meet the concerned eyes with his red-rimmed, blood shot blue ones.

_A bullet in his head. A knife in his stomach turned slowly. Both feet cut off. Always left bleeding and hanging… _

"Oh, Cariad," could be heard as Ianto leapt through the office to his side, arms around Jack. At first he felt his lover tense before Jack leaned in to the touch, his head rested on Ianto's stomach and sobs shuddered through the wilting body.

_Always left hanging alone, to die cold and lonely just to be dragged awake through shattered glass, merely awaiting another agonizing death… Freak! _

One of Ianto's hands rubbed soothing circles on Jack's upper back as another stroked his hair lightly.

_His shackled wrists cut and left bleeding, hanging by a thread of his body until darkness took him. _

Uncomfortable as he was, Ianto refused to move until Jack's sobs started to subside.

"Please let's move to the sofa, Jack."

And without waiting for a response he held onto Jack's hand as he guided them across the office to sit down.

_Both arms broken, still left hanging by his wrists, waiting for death to claim him. _

The two men settled down with Jack's body against Ianto's side and his head cradled in the nook of the Welshman's neck. Ianto softly kissed to top of the Captain's head, lingering with his lips, as his heart broke for his lover.

"Please tell me what happened, Jack."

_Freak! _

"Ianto, I… can't."

"Please, Cariad."

_Ianto on his knees in front of the Master, body steeled as the barrel pointed at his temple. But his stormy blue eyes never left Jack's desperately conveying love as if saying 'please don't blame yourself.' Struggling desperately against his bonds, breaking his wrists in the process, Jack could not save Ianto before the bullet claimed his life. _

"Ianto…" he hesitated but with a loud sigh Jack changed his mind and told Ianto what had happened after he left with the Doctor and on the Valiant. Of course he left out many details, which Jack swore Ianto would never, ever find out about such as seeing his lover tortured and killed in front of his eyes by the insane Time Lord and all the creative ways the Master played with his immortality. But he told Ianto about the distant future, the Master and how he was also Harold Saxon, the Toclafane, the capture of the Doctor and Martha's mission, and the paradox of the year that never was.

Ianto tried to keep his body as still as possible while providing Jack with comfort as his insides boiled with fury. Rage overwhelmed him, his tear soaked shirt a testament to the cruelty that could break his brilliant hero. If the Master had not already been dead, then he would have made sure that his death was slow and painful. But he pushed his emotions deep inside because he had to be strong right now for Jack.

"Did the Master hold you captive too?" Jack heard the anxious Welsh vowels whisper as uncontrolled sobs erupted from his body again. He told his lover about being chained in the engine room for a whole year to die at the Master's hands whenever he was angry, depressed, happy, bored, or for no reason at all.

Jack's confession left Ianto feeling his heart shatter into a million pieces as silent tears ran down his face and stuck to Jack's hair. Clinging desperately to the man in his arms he swore silently he would always be there to hold his Captain as he resurrected as long as it was physically possible.

Also, this would explain what had happened in the field earlier that day…

_Ianto regained his consciousness first. As he opened his eyes, he felt a blinding headache and dizziness. Next came the nausea and realization that he probably had some cracked ribs and bruising. Lying on the floor of a small, concrete, and damp room, his wrists and ankles tied with ropes, he started to frantically scan for Jack, praying to see his lover was ok or at least no worse than himself. _

_After a few moments he spotted the Captain restrained in a similar manner about two meters away but still seemingly unconscious. The steady rise and fall of the other man's chest allowing him to repress panic for at least just a little longer. Although he did notice the captain's bruised face and a cut right underneath his hairline. _

_He closed his eyes for a moment, still feeling his head throb and was sure he had hit it (or someone else hit it) at some point. He could see some dried blood on his clothing and felt like his body was littered with cuts and bruises but his position on the ground did not allow for a more thorough assessment._

_After evaluating his own injuries, Ianto wormed his way towards Jack, using his shoulders and knees to slowly propel himself as his clothing tore on the uneven concrete. _

_The flesh under the torn clothing was bruising and bleeding as he made the final few feet of his journey, but before he could get to Jack the whole way, he saw the other man's eyes flutter open looking dazed and confused. _

"_Jack?" Came out a raspy whisper of a voice from disuse and a dry mouth. But the Captain did not seem to have heard or seen him, pupils still blown in confusion. Ianto desperately scrambled the rest of the way to his lover, hoping to place his body against the other man, but as soon as he touched Jack the Captain screamed in terror struggling against his bonds. _

_The initial pained screams subsided as Jack's body started to shake, sweat covering every inch, and his breathing became loud and erratic. The Captain struggled against his bonds adversely making them tighter._

_Ianto watched in horror as Jack's reaction seemed to last forever, but more than likely only lasted for about ten minutes. And as quickly as the panic started, it stopped, leaving Jack frozen in terror, pupils blown, chest barely moving with each breath. Ianto called out to him and nudged him with his shoulder but the captain remained immobile._

_Fear griped him when Ianto realized he would not get any help from Jack to get them out of this impossible situation. All hope lost, he prayed to the God he stopped believing in a long time ago that the rest of the team would save them._

_Hours later Jack was still petrified in the same position, Ianto laid facing the man with tears in his eyes. Their captors had not returned so they were the furthest thing from his mind as he worried about his lover wondering what alien tech may be responsible. _

_While in his reverie, help finally came in the form of Owen, Tosh, and Gwen storming in, guns blazing. _

_Jack seemed to regain his composure after Owen unbound him, remembering and seemingly embarrassed by what happened but dismissing it gruffly and avoiding any inquiry by barking out orders. His mask back firmly in place. _

Sitting in silence, the two men still clinging to each other, Jack felt broken and vulnerable and he hated to feel this way. The only comfort was that just Ianto saw him damaged and shattered.

_Freak! _

He shuddered at the distressing memories trying to escape from that lock box he created so long ago to hide them from his consciousness.

"Jack?"

"Hmm…"

"Is it the ropes?" Ianto asked as he thoughtlessly ghosted his fingers over Jack's wrist evoking erratic breaths from the other man. Jack felt him quickly stop the action and tense at the change while those soulful worried eyes pierced his soul.

_Shackled in the engine room, the Master left him alone to die of thirst. It took him 3 days to die. _

Unable to hold his gaze, Jack looked at his own hands and whispered, "I think it happens when my wrists are bound. I can barely stand them to be touched…"

Deciding rage would not help Jack, Ianto's mind did the one thing it was meant to do, turn chaos into order. Minutes of silence passed as the Welshman contemplated the problem. It would take years for Jack to deal with the pain and trauma from the Valiant.

But the immediate problems were the panic attacks in the field and they seemed to be an automatic physical reaction to a stimulus on the wrists. He would have to do some research but he was sure there had to be some psychological theories (there had to be a reason for that psychology class in Uni) that could help. At that moment Ianto made up his mind to do whatever it took to help Jack be field ready again.

"Will you let me help, Cariad?" He whispered, still unsure what he was proposing,

"Help?"

"Trust me?" He hoped he sounded more sure than he was feeling.

"What do you have in mind?"

"Trust me?" Voice sounding more confidant, he couldn't possibly let Jack see that he was way out of his depth.

Jack pondered the offer for bit. After all, he could not go into the field if he panicked every time he was tied up (which happened more often than he'd like to admit). He could live through anything (or die and revive through anything) but he could never forgive himself if he lost one of his team. If he lost Ianto when he could have saved him…

Looking up into those red-rimmed concerned eyes he made his decision. He had no choice but to completely trust Ianto and his mysterious offer.

"Yeah."


End file.
